I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
