Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
