i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your penis caused this!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
