Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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