love makes seman taste better
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
