If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this just has baby written all over it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
