if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
