wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
