Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
