spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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