next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
