So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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