Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
