Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
