I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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