dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love having hate sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
