My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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