The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
