I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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