you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
