i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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