We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
