I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nicole vs. Life
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
