There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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