This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
