Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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