did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
