And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
