my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
