i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
