You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
