She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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