after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Houston, we have a blender
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
