im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
