you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize