did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
