dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
