You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
