just tell him i said nine months
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
