Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
