i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
