Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
