Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
