Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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