I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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