i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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