dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So squirting runs in the family.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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