You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
