Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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