I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
