Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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