While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
