Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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