I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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