I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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