i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
