after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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