i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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