He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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