i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
