have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize