I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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