I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
