Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
