i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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