I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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