You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
