so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
