You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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