Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
