Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
