Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
