This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
