There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
