If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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