Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
