i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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